Ms. Unmotivated

My boss is an OK guy. I would say I’m one of the luckier ones in the legal profession for being able to work with who I do. For those of you who don’t know, as an associate at a biglaw firm, we work for partners. Depending on the firm, you either have groups, where you work for a one or a few partners in your group, or you have some sort of a free-for-all system, where partners can ask any associate to work on anything they have. We have more of a group system than a free-for-all system, so I work mostly with one partner. 

I digress. My boss—let’s call him P—is alright. Actually, he is probably upstanding by biglaw standards. He has a family that he doesn’t hate, which means he actually likes to spends time out of office (note to future/young lawyers: work for partners with families that they like), he recognizes that an associate’s job is hard, and he takes the time to mentor me. (And no, not the kind of mentoring that involves screaming, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT YOU JUST GAVE ME?) 

But for all his good points, the fact remains that P is an awkward man, who is elitist and materialistic. He quotes Dumb and Dumber regularly around clients. He is poor at small talk. One time he asked me to give him a ride home from a firm event (we live unfortunately close to each other) and at first sight of my car, he casually noted, “I could rent the lowest-end car from Budget and it would look better than your car.” True story. When he heard I was going backpacking for a few days, he said, “You know, you are an associate at a big law firm, Q. You aren’t poor—you can afford a real vacation.” And while a million things ran through my head that I could have replied, all I said was, “I know.” 

A few days ago I was pulled over by a bicycle cop (yes, you read that correctly) for “texting” in my car (I was actually reading my work email). I was at a stoplight right next to the sidewalk and he rode over, knocked on my window and motioned for me to pull over. 

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” 

“Yes.” 

Side note: I think that the generally accepted legal advice is that you are not supposed to answer affirmatively to a question like that after being pulled over. The idea is that if you contest the ticket later, it will limit your possible defenses. However, some people do say that it generally pisses off the police officer when you lie to them. My answer to that: Lie more convincingly. This works best for women because women can pretend to be real idiots and can get away with it because 1) women are better liars; and/or 2) more people believe women can be stupid as fuck. 

Anyway, I did not follow protocol because it was early in the morning and I was just too tired to pretend that I was stupid as fuck. [It’s actually really hard work.] So I said yes. He then asked me some other questions that are not interesting enough to relay here, but in the end he was kind enough to let me off with a warning. 

While I believe that texting while driving can be egregious behavior (on highways, etc.), I don’t believe that texting is really as dangerous as some other activities which I have engaged in—or seen other people engage in—while driving, e.g.: 

Read More

From left to right: Adderall XR, Vyvanse, Concerta, Focalin XR, Ritalin. Courtesy of New York Times. I’m not an IP lawyer; please don’t sue me. 

As you may recall from my very recent post, Oprah told me that my number one passion is Adderall. This may or may not be true. For those of you may not be familiar with Adderall, you are truly missing out. Okay, joking aside, Adderall is a brand name of a medication used for ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It also—not surprisingly—is used to treat narcolepsy.

The New York Times recently did an interesting ensemble of pieces of the recent rise of what they call the “good-grade pill”. See here, here and here. Ironically, they also did a piece in 2005 on Adderall, which reported that “[a]s many as 20 percent of college students have used Ritalin or Adderall to study, write papers and take exams.” Apparently now the craze has reached high school students. 

 But with so much stress, the once blasphemous tactic now seemed like an obvious, harmless solution to pass finals. The same week I got two pills from my classmate. I took the first one during school and had never been more focused in my life-I basically acquired tunnel vision. For the next several hours, nothing- not the couple making out in the hallway, the obnoxious, gum-smacking gossips, even my friends -could break my focus.  

- New York Times Female Teen, 17

The first time I ever tried Adderall was my senior year of college. I don’t recall how I became aware of the drug. All I remember is that it was finals week, they became available to me, and I tried it. Unfortunately I didn’t feel the same instant superman-like motivation and drive that others report. I spent the next six or seven hours shopping online at Victoria’s Secret. [By the way, what is her secret exactly?] 

More recently though, I started occasional usage for work, particularly when I need to sit and listen for long periods of time (depositions), or bang out firedrill motions. And you know what? It works now, though I’m not sure why. Some days I seriously consider attempting to convince a doctor to actually prescribe it to me but I know how difficult that is, especially as a “successful” (and clearly stressed) adult. 

 So, as the workload piled up, my search for Adderall began. Within twenty four hours I had five pills in my hand, costing me a mere five dollars. Five dollars for an A on an exam didn’t seem as if it were any kind of price to pay at all.

Naturally, the five pills were gone sooner than you could say AP US History. So I searched for more. It wasn’t long until I found someone else who could get me more. Only this time it was Vyvanse, which was twice as strong. Only this time the price tripled. $3 a pill. Still, incredibly worth it. The Vyvanse crash was worse, but not bad to deter me at all. 

Then one day, I found someone who gave out Concerta for free. And from that moment on, I was hooked. 

NY Times Female Teen, 17 

Perhaps this speaks to the level of my moral turpitude, but here are the only things I thought after reading the above quote: 

1. How is this girl getting Adderall for $1/pill? 

2. What the fuck is Vyvanse? Where do I get some? 

3. What idiot gives out Concerta for free?